Dear China Mike -

I’m worried about losing my prestigious, over-paid senior management position in a major multinational here in Shanghai.  I’ve got to make some cuts to my household budget, and my food & beverage expenses are the next line item to get reduced.  I’ve got to be honest with you China Mike — my expensive imported beer habit is on the list for down-spending.  Is this a good idea?

Sincerely,

Soon To Be Ex-expat

Dear XX, 

Oh, hell no.  

Life in Shanghai without American-made handcrafted beer and ale is hardly worth living. But that’s not why the China Microbrewery team of lifestyle therapists feels that now is the right time to order up a couple of cases of  Rogue Ale’s American Amber Ale and North Coast Brewing Company’s  Red Seal for office delivery from the folks at Craft Beer in Shanghai.  

No sir - it’s about job performance.  A senior exec with the poise and confidence to pour himself a Rogue in the middle of a sales meeting is a man who clearly has command of his position.  It’ll reinforce your reputation as a can-do, steady-at-the-helm leader of men.   You think you’ll get those admiring stares and approving nods when you crack open a warm Tsing Dao in the conference room?  I don’t think so.  Sends all the wrong signals.  

If you want to make cuts to your household budget, why not start with something sensible like that cholesterol medication or your kid’s college tuition? At less than rmb 100 per six-pack, each of those cold little bottles of perfection cost you something like $0.32 US  (Wrong.  Just wrong.  More like  2 bucks & change.  How about learning to operate a calculator, Mike?  -Editor )

This is China Mike reminding you that American-made handcrafted beer and ales
are wining hearts and minds in Asia again.

If you’re in China and you’re a true American, you have probably misplaced your absentee ballot - if you ever received it.  Well, make that last minute push and try to take part.  Sure, they usually don’t even count them.  But still.  This is Democracy.  It needs our help.

Reward yourself for completing that arduous ordeal of voting - sometimes involving TWO check-boxes and  a signature (how the hell did they make such a mess of the vote-count in Florida 2000?) with one luxury you still don’t have to feel too guilty about.  Yet.  Get yourself a case of good hand-made beer and watch the election results come streaming in.  Hell - you can get the beer and watch whatever you feel like. 

The folks at Craft Beer in Shanghai are having an election day special on delivery.  You can make whatever choice you want - and then you have to pay for it.  

This is China Mike reminding you to vote for the candidate of your choice in the Presidential Election, regardless of where you live.  There are no sure things.

Dear China Mike -

Here’s the deal:   Me, wife, 2 kids.  Pudong villa,  Xin tian di office.   Department head at a major multinational.  12 direct subordinates, over 30 staffers in total.  Working 75 hours a week - still falling behind.  Wife frustrated.  Kids don’t remember me.  If the stress doesn’t kill me then the stress will.   

Ideas?

Signed-

-Multi-mega-tasker.

Dear M&M -

Three  words:  Home beer delivery

One link:  http://www.realbeer.com.cn/index_en.html

Final thought:  If you don’t chill out and drink more good beer, your head is going to explode right off your neck and no one will be surprised. 

This is China Mike reminding you that American made hand-crafted beer and ale is the only thing you can count in this world.  The only thing. 

Dear China Mike -

So who you gonna vote for?

HRC

 
Dear H -

China Mike is passionate about the democratic process, though admits that this time the decision actually seems tougher than usual.  For the last few elections, China Mike has been voting AGAINST candidates, not for them.  It ain’t the high-road, but it’s easy to decide.  This year the choices are a little tougher.  Either one of those guys would be a VAST improvement but once you drill down to the details it gets a little tougher.

Like everything else in life, its simpler when you use beer.

Senator Obama is like a Big Wave from Kona Brewing company in Hawaii.  http://www.konabrewingco.com/beers/bigwave
Smooth, refreshing and beautifully packaged, the Big Wave is a light beer that won’t fill you up or weigh you down.  It appeals to just about everyone who likes beer (and who doesn’t?), but may not have the substance or complexity for serious aficionados.

Senator McCain is more of a Rogue American Amber Ale. http://www.rogue.com/beers/american-amber.php  He has the heft and impact of a well-crafted ale.   Sure it but can be little bitter at first, but packs a punch while always remaining smooth and balanced. 

Make your own choice.  Order up case of each from Craft Beer of Shanghai.  http://www.realbeer.com.cn/about_en.html

This is China Mike reminding you that just like beer,  voting  is an obligation - not an option.  Use it now or lose it in the future.

Dear China Mike –

I’m concerned about the state of the economy. I’m worried that we’re already in the midst of a global recession that could last a while – particularly if the US Federal Reserve continues to follow their interventionist course of action that could prolong the pain for years. It seems a near certainty that the knock on effect will be felt in China – first in terms of factory order declines, but later in lower FDI and capital inflows. What should we do China Mike?

Dismal in Donguan

Dear Dismal:

It’s clear that you are spending way too much time worrying about this stuff, that’s for sure. My great great grandfather – Prussia Mike – once taught me this mystical power-prayer, “Please give me the strength to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I can’t, and the wisdom to order a case of Brooklyn Lager from Craft Beer of Shanghai to take the edge off.” It was true then, and it’s even truer today. No matter what we do, the savage ballet of international boom bust cycles will play out around us. All that we can do is lay in plenty of high-quality American-made handcrafted beer and ale to help us get through the bad times. And have plenty of shotgun ammo.

This is China Mike reminding you that nothing makes the future seem brighter than a few cold American made handcrafted beers. 

Dear China Mike –

You gotta help me out, Dude.  I’m way homesick.  China started out fun and exciting and weird, but now it’s just weird.  I mean, I’ve tried immersing myself in the culture and learning the language and getting to know the REAL China, but it all just smells funny and looks the same.  What am I doing wrong?  I’d give it all up and go home, but I’ve still got 9 months left on my contract. 

Depressed

Dear Dupree –

What are you doing wrong?  How about EVERYTHING?  Immersing yourself in the culture?  Getting to know the real China?  Jesus Tap-dancing Christ!  What is this, the sixties?  Let’s all sit around in our tie-died jeans smoking bongs and voting for Obama, why don’t we.  It’s like Grandpa Mike used to tell us while we were growing up on the prairie (Prairie Mall in Shaker Heights) — if you can’t have dignity then shut the hell up and drink a nice cold American Made Handcrafted beer or ale — like a Dead Guy Ale made by the good people at Rogue.  Why not head over to Big Bamboo where you can order up a cold one and some buffalo wings, watch the game, shoot some pool and pretend for a few blessed moments that you are back in civilization.  9 months is a loong time, Dupree — so you’d best start drinking now.  Sounds like you’ve got some time to make up for.

This is China Mike reminding you that if you aren’t drinking American Made handcrafted beers and ales then you might as well just go ahead and join the Taliban right now.

Dear China Mike –

I run a small service-oriented company here in Shanghai, and my business model is based on exploiting the hard work and good natured ignorance of my earnest but naïve expat managers.  What can I do to retain them for the longest possible time for the lowest possible cost?

Ridin’ the Boom

Dear Rider –

China Mike salutes you! You’ve ALMOST got it all figured out, but I’ve got two words for you that will help you complete the puzzle — beer delivery.  Yeah – you heard me Little Red Riding Broom.  Every second or third Friday I want you to call in an air-strike of New York Pizza and American Made Handcrafted Beer and Ale – like the gems available from Craft Beer of Shanghai. 

Your team sounds like they’ll be grateful for any shred of attention or hint of luxury – so why not invest 35 bucks American and the two deadest hours of the week to blow your kids to a nice Friday afternoon every once in a while, you cheap bastard.   Now go on, go find something to screw you knucklehead.  Get outta here.

This is China Mike reminding you that no one ever won the important
battles in life drinking local beer in China.

Dear China Mike –

When is enough enough?  I’ve been in China for 3 and a half years, and I’m beginning to think it’s time to call it a day.  Whan do I know that I’ve had enough China?

Tired in Shanghai

Dear Tires:

Knowing when you’ve had enough of China is a tough call.  Sometimes by the time you ask it’s already too late.   But knowing when you’ve had enough American made handcrafted beer and ale is easy.  If you’re driving your own car, than it should be 2 or 3 bottles, depending on your choice.  If you want something light, then consider a Big Wave from Kona – in which case a normal sized man could enjoy 2 - 7 without any problems.  Or one and a half Brookyln Lager India Pale Ale.  But if you aren’t driving yourself home, you are safe to go balls-out — at least until you are unable to throw yourself in front of slow moving taxi and mumble your address.  Usually around 9 or 11.  Who really knows?    And if you’re going with home delivery, from the good folks at Craft Beers of Shanghai, then you don’t even have to worry about that.  

This is China Mike asking you, “What the hell is your problem, anyhow?  Just what the hell are YOU lookin’ at?” 

Dear Beer Guy,

Sometimes I feel that my life is pointless and empty.   It’s all ’same crap, different day’.  What the point of even getting out of bed in the morning?

Desperate in Dong Guan

 Dear Des,

 You’re sure asking some big questions there.  Beer Man isn’t prepared to take responsibility for the existential conundrum of a total stranger — or is he?  Oh, what the hell. 

 Des, studies have shown that over 72% of people who feel that their lives are pointless do in fact live lives that are largely devoid of purpose.    Give your existence a shot of  meaning by searching out the very best American-made handcrafted beers and ales available in China today!   Start with a smooth tasting, ironically named Dead Guy Ale, made by the morbid guys at Rogue Ales of Oregon.  Then move up to a Kona or Longboard, both available in Shanghai’s Big Bamboo.  Before you know it, life will be good again.  But just in case you become so depressed that you can’t bring yourself to leave the room, home delivery of a wide range of handcrafted American made beers and ales are now available from the good people at Craft Beers.

      This is China Mike reminding you to drink plenty of American made handcrafted beer and ale while in Shanghai – because everything else here is either crap or European.

Dear China Mike -

My girlfriend and I have been in Shanghai for 18 months, and things are really looking good.  We’re talking about getting married — but there’s a hitch.  I really like having a few beers with friends [such as a smooth, cold Longboard Ale served over at Cottons on Anfu Lu -ed]  but Lisa disapproves.  She says my “constant drinking” is immature, expensive and disgusting — and that I need to grow up.

Is there any sense to the things she’s saying?

- Pu Dong Pete

Dear Pu -

Absolutely not

Clearly this girl thinks she’s too good for you.  Reading between the lines it seems that you might think so too.  Who knows — maybe you’re both right.  The point is that you are in for a lot of disappointment in the future.  Better know who your REAL friends are.

Sounds to me like your beer relationship is a lot more stable and rewarding than your girl relationship. And this IS China after all.   You know what I mean. 

This is China Mike reminding you that drinking American-made  
hand-crafted beers and ales is good for the economy — and the nation.